Coaching Blog: Language that passes all understanding?

Martin Hill, Programme Director

A recent trip to deliver a presentation at the launch of the British School of Coaching’s UAE Network proved to be an interesting source of learning on several levels, but perhaps the most interesting reflection that it prompted was the use of language in coaching.

What started this thought process of was my arrival at the airport – the choice of  “terminal” is hardly a confidence - building descriptive to use; and why when I am arriving have I got to go to departures? Despite there being a myriad of languages and cultures represented amongst the airport customers, it was surprising to observe how quickly everyone adapted and conformed - and also the various “coping strategies” that were being used. People watching led me to observe the following styles:

·         The Organiser- everything planned to the last iota - focused, determined, sometimes to the point of being oblivious to anyone else’s needs. Usually armed with a checklist or itinerary that is frequently consulted. Sometimes thrown by unexpected changes or events (unless a true organiser, in which case even if these unexpected events were anticipated and planned for).

·         The Follower- usually, but not exclusively, seen in association with The Organiser above. Interesting to reflect on whether they are a willing or “press ganged” follower. Works best when there is a clear and well communicated joint strategy between organiser and follower - often not there with family groups (main disparity often being between husband and wife).

·         The Worrier- determined to see everything from the “worst case” scenario. Worrying about possible “what if’s” from a negative perspective means that they have little chance to engage and enjoy in the “here and now”- for example, are given a flight upgrade, but are still worrying about whether will land safely etc, etc. 

·         The Optimist- calm, adaptive and flexible approach. Usually they have a general plan in mind, but are not fazed by unexpected changes, simply accepting them and quickly adapting to the new parameters.

All of the above made me reflect on how similar the airport scenario described above was with a coaching session. Both have a common goal (or destination) and the clients undertaking that journey often display some of the same behaviour types as those outlined above. That made me think about what gets in the way, and realise that sometimes what causes the issue is the language – assumptions are made by both coach and client as to the meaning of a particular word or phrase, but this is often not checked out. This is further exacerbated when we bring in the tour operator (or manager/supervisor) and discover that they have a different understanding of the same word.

Does this strike you as an artificial scenario? Well, it is probably not that uncommon.  Just think back on a coaching intervention involving a 3- way contracting scenario (coach, client and sponsor). If you can, think of a successful and an unsuccessful coaching session – what was the difference?  I would venture an informed guess that the unsuccessful session featured a difference in understanding of goal/destination and/or some other misunderstanding caused by communication. Sometimes this may have been between coach and client – often it is clear between coach and client, but differs from what the sponsor thought that they had agreed with coach and/or client. For example, in a recent group supervision session I simply put one word as the topic for discussion –“Endings”. A simple word, that everyone understands? It was interesting to note that this one word generated 6-8 different meanings from the coaches present- what made some of the difference was the perspective for each person’s definition; the client-context which they were relating it to and also the experience of each.

What can you do as a coach to ensure that the destination is safely reached and a successful and enjoyable journey for all? Even the most simple of language can have different meanings for the people involved – always check out understanding – not just of the client in the room, but also for the sponsor and anyone else potentially impacted by that particular coaching relationship. The greater clarity that there is in describing the goal/destination; the greater the chance of success.  Remember what Oscar Wilde said about assumption: “When you assume, you make an ass out of u and me”. 

Martin Hill LL.B (Hons), FInstLM, FISQC, MAC, EMCC Member, Coach &Coach Supervisor

Faculty Member

Programme Director for ILM Level 7 Executive Coaching & Mentoring Courses

 

Location, location, location

Martin Hill, Senior Tutor, BSC

It is often one of the things that coaches arrange without too much thought - but the location you choose for a coaching session may well make a significant impact on the success of the session.

Frequently the coaching location is influenced by the coaching sponsor-  use of the organisation’s premises provides a convenient solution for the sponsor as it will reduce costs and also saves time, with little or no travel time for the clients being coached. However, as a coach think about how the location may be perceived by the client – if you are using the organisation’s own premises will they perceive you as “part” of the organisational power and therefore be inhibited in disclosing matters or engaging?

Sometimes changing a location can actually generate a freedom of thought and engagement that was inhibited by using a location that a client is very familiar with or in which they have to maintain a particular façade. 

When selecting a coaching location, here are some of the factors to bear in mind:

·        Privacy- bear in mind that confidentiality is the crux for a successful coaching relationship. Make sure that the room selection demonstrates that confidentiality has even been considered in the choice of the location – are the walls thick enough to avoid audio leakage? What about visibility – a lot of trendy modern offices now have “glass” walls – unlikely to instil confidence in sharing visual ideas etc. Make sure that you are going to be uninterrupted- also remember to switch off your mobile and ask your client to do the same.

·        Neutral Territory- even if you have to use accommodation provided by the coaching sponsor, think about what you can do to demonstrate to the client that this is “neutral” territory. This could be done as part of your contracting discussions- but also think about the room set up –can you rearrange the furniture- what about where you and the client will sit? Avoid using the client’s own office- this is frequently an environment where the client is prone to distractions and interruptions.

·        Be Adventurous- do not be afraid to offer a different venue- coffee shops or even taking advantage of the great outdoors. One of the most productive sessions for one of my supervisees came from recognising that the office environment was causing the client stress that say and thus they went for a quick stroll outside – this led to the revelation for the client that the cause of his stress was the office not his own behaviour and actions- and he came up with an action plan to resolve this.

·        Comfortable - make sure the room is at a comfortable temperature and well lit. Is the seating comfortable enough – but not too comfortable?

·        Access - again this links back to confidentiality – is the “corridor” access to the room such that it will actually reveal who is attending as a client? If there are no alternative options, think about how the coaching sessions will be pitched to everybody in the organisation- do it in such a way that it diminishes any stigma or presumptions that people may make. 

·      Technology considerations - if you are going to use technology –make that there are plug sockets or anything else that your gadget may need (e.g. internet access). I would suggest that ideally you should aim to be self-sufficient and have a coaching toolkit that has all the necessary stocks and supplies that you may need- that could include investing in a dongle or mobile broadband access device or a device with built in internet access. Even if you use something as simple as pens and flip charts – if it is an open view room you are using, you may need to rethink how to approach the session. Above all else, whatever technological aids you use- always check that they are working BEFORE the session and have a back-up plan in case there is a technological malfunction.

·        Organisational Rules - if you are using the sponsor’s premises, make sure that you familiarise yourself with any rules or protocols that have to be observed. It could even be as simple as checking what the dress code is or when fire alarm tests are scheduled!

·        Planning – make sure that you plan out the travel time and familiarise yourself with the location in advance. Get there early. Make sure there is a point of contact so that you can direct any queries or raise any issues with them.

·        Refreshments - think about whether there needs to be tea, coffee, water on offer. If this is going to be a full day session for you – think about what you will do for lunch. Also check out where the restrooms are!

Martin Hill LL.B (Hons), FInstLM, AMAC, EMCC Member, Coach &Coach Supervisor

Programme Director for ILM 7 Coaching & Mentoring Courses

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