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| Martin Hill, Programme Director |
A recent trip
to deliver a presentation at the launch of the British School of Coaching’s UAE
Network proved to be an interesting source of learning on several levels, but perhaps
the most interesting reflection that it prompted was the use of language in
coaching.
What started
this thought process of was my arrival at the airport – the choice of “terminal” is hardly a confidence - building
descriptive to use; and why when I am arriving have I got to go to departures?
Despite there being a myriad of languages and cultures represented amongst the
airport customers, it was surprising to observe how quickly everyone adapted
and conformed - and also the various “coping strategies” that were being used.
People watching led me to observe the following styles:
·
The
Organiser- everything planned to the last iota - focused, determined, sometimes
to the point of being oblivious to anyone else’s needs. Usually armed with a
checklist or itinerary that is frequently consulted. Sometimes thrown by
unexpected changes or events (unless a true organiser, in which case even if
these unexpected events were anticipated and planned for).
·
The
Follower- usually, but not exclusively, seen in association with The Organiser
above. Interesting to reflect on whether they are a willing or “press ganged”
follower. Works best when there is a clear and well communicated joint strategy
between organiser and follower - often not there with family groups (main disparity
often being between husband and wife).
·
The
Worrier- determined to see everything from the “worst case” scenario. Worrying
about possible “what if’s” from a negative perspective means that they have
little chance to engage and enjoy in the “here and now”- for example, are given
a flight upgrade, but are still worrying about whether will land safely etc,
etc.
·
The
Optimist- calm, adaptive and flexible approach. Usually they have a general
plan in mind, but are not fazed by unexpected changes, simply accepting them
and quickly adapting to the new parameters.
All of the
above made me reflect on how similar the airport scenario described above was
with a coaching session. Both have a common goal (or destination) and the
clients undertaking that journey often display some of the same behaviour types
as those outlined above. That made me think about what gets in the way, and
realise that sometimes what causes the issue is the language – assumptions are
made by both coach and client as to the meaning of a particular word or phrase,
but this is often not checked out. This is further exacerbated when we bring in
the tour operator (or manager/supervisor) and discover that they have a
different understanding of the same word.
Does this
strike you as an artificial scenario? Well, it is probably not that uncommon. Just think back on a coaching intervention
involving a 3- way contracting scenario (coach, client and sponsor). If you
can, think of a successful and an unsuccessful coaching session – what was the
difference? I would venture an informed
guess that the unsuccessful session featured a difference in understanding of
goal/destination and/or some other misunderstanding caused by communication.
Sometimes this may have been between coach and client – often it is clear
between coach and client, but differs from what the sponsor thought that they
had agreed with coach and/or client. For example, in a recent group supervision
session I simply put one word as the topic for discussion –“Endings”. A simple
word, that everyone understands? It was interesting to note that this one word
generated 6-8 different meanings from the coaches present- what made some of
the difference was the perspective for each person’s definition; the
client-context which they were relating it to and also the experience of each.
What can you
do as a coach to ensure that the destination is safely reached and a successful
and enjoyable journey for all? Even the most simple of language can have
different meanings for the people involved – always check out understanding –
not just of the client in the room, but also for the sponsor and anyone else
potentially impacted by that particular coaching relationship. The greater
clarity that there is in describing the goal/destination; the greater the
chance of success. Remember what Oscar
Wilde said about assumption: “When you assume, you make an ass out of u and me”.
Martin Hill LL.B (Hons), FInstLM, FISQC, MAC, EMCC Member, Coach
&Coach Supervisor
Faculty Member
Programme Director for ILM Level 7 Executive Coaching & Mentoring Courses
