Resolutions - A goal setting lesson

Martin Hill, Senior Tutor BSC

“Resolutions are most often empty promises for those who have an abundance of dreams, but refuse to wake up and live them”- Dr Steve Maraboli.

 When we started the New Year everyone’s thoughts turned to setting resolutions. A boom time for diet clubs and gym memberships. The media coverage also saturates our every moment with articles about resolutions, often “guilting” people into setting resolutions – and inevitably these resolutions are so unrealistically ambitious that they are designed to inevitably fail.

“What’s all this got to do with coaching?” I hear you ask. Well let’s look at the definition of resolution. “The act of resolving or determining upon an action, course of action, method, procedure, etc.” (www.dictionary.com) That definition sums up for me what I am trying to achieve in a coaching intervention with my clients.

Coaching should be goal based and action-orientated. So what lessons can we learn from our resolutions experience and knowledge?

• Whose is it? Notice the influence of media or peer pressure? If the resolution or goal is not wholly owned and believed in by the individual – you’re doomed before you start. The resolution or goal must be desired by, believed in and owned by the individual- have you connected head, hand and heart?
• Realistic? Unless you’re called Tim Peake you’re goal to become an ambition is perhaps more Star Farce than Star Wars. But it took Tim Peake from 2008 until 2015 to achieve that ambition. If it is an ambitious, big, goal – bear in mind the proverb “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time”. Make the goal attainable by setting small steps and ensuring that there is always a future, forward facing, focus.
• Get back on the bike- even with the most committed, the road to embedding the new resolution is often not a straight A to B journey. Falls and setups are inevitable, to quote Nat King Cole:

“Nothing’s impossible, I have found
For when my chin is on the ground.
I pick myself up,
Dust myself off
And start all over again.”

Your job as the coach is help the individual reflect, reassess and then re-motivate them.
Keeping with the theme of resolutions – you will undoubtedly be setting your personal resolutions – but what about your coaching resolutions? Need some food for thought?

• Review and refresh your Continuing Professional Development plan – does it address your needs AND your business needs?
• Widen your network – what plans do you have to increase your networking breadth? A gentle introduction could be the British School of Coaching’s Network - the next UK Network is May 2016 and the Middle East Network is February 2016
• Join a professional coaching body – remember all British School Of Coaching learners have affiliate membership of International Society of Qualified Coaches (ISQC) whilst they are studying. Look at the choices out there and select the one that suits your needs and your practice.
• Set a learning goal – what new skill do you want to learn or what do you want to improve?
• Continuous Improvement – how can you ensure that you extract every drop of learning from your own coaching interactions? What is your reflective learning practice? Why not embrace new technology and use your smart phone to make a voice recording to capture your thoughts, feelings and reflections immediately after the session – and then write up later, allowing for further reflection in the interim.
• Supervision – review and refresh your own supervision regime. Try a combination of approaches – individual or peer or group. An opportunity to sample a group supervision session is available at the British School of Coaching’s UK Network in May 2016.

Hope that gives you some food for thought. May I take this opportunity to wish you all a Happy, Healthy and Prosperous 2016!!

Coaching Blog: Language that passes all understanding?

Martin Hill, Programme Director

A recent trip to deliver a presentation at the launch of the British School of Coaching’s UAE Network proved to be an interesting source of learning on several levels, but perhaps the most interesting reflection that it prompted was the use of language in coaching.

What started this thought process of was my arrival at the airport – the choice of  “terminal” is hardly a confidence - building descriptive to use; and why when I am arriving have I got to go to departures? Despite there being a myriad of languages and cultures represented amongst the airport customers, it was surprising to observe how quickly everyone adapted and conformed - and also the various “coping strategies” that were being used. People watching led me to observe the following styles:

·         The Organiser- everything planned to the last iota - focused, determined, sometimes to the point of being oblivious to anyone else’s needs. Usually armed with a checklist or itinerary that is frequently consulted. Sometimes thrown by unexpected changes or events (unless a true organiser, in which case even if these unexpected events were anticipated and planned for).

·         The Follower- usually, but not exclusively, seen in association with The Organiser above. Interesting to reflect on whether they are a willing or “press ganged” follower. Works best when there is a clear and well communicated joint strategy between organiser and follower - often not there with family groups (main disparity often being between husband and wife).

·         The Worrier- determined to see everything from the “worst case” scenario. Worrying about possible “what if’s” from a negative perspective means that they have little chance to engage and enjoy in the “here and now”- for example, are given a flight upgrade, but are still worrying about whether will land safely etc, etc. 

·         The Optimist- calm, adaptive and flexible approach. Usually they have a general plan in mind, but are not fazed by unexpected changes, simply accepting them and quickly adapting to the new parameters.

All of the above made me reflect on how similar the airport scenario described above was with a coaching session. Both have a common goal (or destination) and the clients undertaking that journey often display some of the same behaviour types as those outlined above. That made me think about what gets in the way, and realise that sometimes what causes the issue is the language – assumptions are made by both coach and client as to the meaning of a particular word or phrase, but this is often not checked out. This is further exacerbated when we bring in the tour operator (or manager/supervisor) and discover that they have a different understanding of the same word.

Does this strike you as an artificial scenario? Well, it is probably not that uncommon.  Just think back on a coaching intervention involving a 3- way contracting scenario (coach, client and sponsor). If you can, think of a successful and an unsuccessful coaching session – what was the difference?  I would venture an informed guess that the unsuccessful session featured a difference in understanding of goal/destination and/or some other misunderstanding caused by communication. Sometimes this may have been between coach and client – often it is clear between coach and client, but differs from what the sponsor thought that they had agreed with coach and/or client. For example, in a recent group supervision session I simply put one word as the topic for discussion –“Endings”. A simple word, that everyone understands? It was interesting to note that this one word generated 6-8 different meanings from the coaches present- what made some of the difference was the perspective for each person’s definition; the client-context which they were relating it to and also the experience of each.

What can you do as a coach to ensure that the destination is safely reached and a successful and enjoyable journey for all? Even the most simple of language can have different meanings for the people involved – always check out understanding – not just of the client in the room, but also for the sponsor and anyone else potentially impacted by that particular coaching relationship. The greater clarity that there is in describing the goal/destination; the greater the chance of success.  Remember what Oscar Wilde said about assumption: “When you assume, you make an ass out of u and me”. 

Martin Hill LL.B (Hons), FInstLM, FISQC, MAC, EMCC Member, Coach &Coach Supervisor

Faculty Member

Programme Director for ILM Level 7 Executive Coaching & Mentoring Courses

 

Staying in control of your decisions

Charlotte Randall

We have all had to make choices in our life that have required decisions to be made to affect an end goal. The bigger the end goal the more resilient you need to be to aspire to achieve it. Once the wheels are in motion towards your target you embark on a journey that will test your commitment, resolve and emotional stance. Excitement of the possibilities ahead is often the first emotion and the driving force behind the energy that supports the planning phase of the change process. However, as major new experiences loom excitement can start to wane and in its place fear is waiting.

When fear takes hold behaviours alter and coming off your trajectory is a very plausible outcome. You start to convince yourself that you’re still in control, you know what you’re doing and where you’re going; you push on with ever increasing urgency trying to make your mental map (where you think you are going) fit with where you actually are. The longer you operate in this paradigm the easier it is for fear of failure to manifest; lurching from one irrational decision to another looking for the emotional reprieve a particular course of action might bring, hoping that equilibrium will once again be restored.  This is neither a sustainable nor a productive environment in which to operate and holds the potential of derailing your pursuits altogether.

Maintaining control of your decisions as the situation evolves and avoiding emotion alone dictating the next move you make is paramount. Very few successful outcomes are achieved unaided and it is important to develop relationships that provide objectivity to the process and explores the purposefulness of each decision, aligned with the end goal. Utilising the skills of a coach to facilitate a solutions focused conversation and the management of emotions along the journey, is a potentially powerful relationship to hold; one that will help you to stay on track and in control of your thinking and direction.  A coaching relationship then can provide the following scaffold:

1.    Planned time and space to think – the challenge will not feel so overwhelming when you have the opportunity to focus on it without interference.

2.    Talk and be heard - by having someone really listen to your challenge you can establish (re-establish) momentum, clarity of the situation and a solid baseline from which to move forwards.

3.    Solution focused communication - the conversation remains positive, giving you permission to connect with the possibilities through the development of challenging action planning.

4.    Respect for your emotions – the support to be brave enough to consider from the outset your emotional triggers, default reactions as a result and the empowerment to do something about them so you do not derail.

5.    Celebrate achievement – encouragement to congratulate yourself on the small achievements and positive experiences along the way. In a situation where the end goal seems so great, or so far out of reach, it is important to recognise that you are making a difference with your actions.

6.    Importantly a coach will retain your focus on the original impetus for change and when challenging situations arise remind you it really excited you once and it can again!