Coaching with Silence

Martin Hill, Senior Tutor BSC

“As we must account for every idle word, so must we account for every idle silence.” Benjamin Franklin

In a couple of recent supervision sessions two coaches discussed sessions where they had asked few, if any, questions and yet at the end of the sessions it was evident that progress had been made and the client had thanked them for their assistance.


Both coaches were a little despondent and frustrated, saying that they had “done nothing” and were questioning what added value they had contributed. In fact, both had made a positive contribution, conscious (or even unconscious!) use of silence. That also fails to acknowledge the other significant contribution made by the coaches – laying strong and resilient foundations for the coaching relationship through careful, bespoke contracting, which built rapport and trust with each client which was evidenced by the client feeling confident enough, and comfortable with the use of silence by the coach, to disclose information and innermost thoughts.

This led me to reflect on the use of silence in relation to coaching sessions and the following points occurred to me:

• The Silence of the Client – even more frightening for a coach than the Silence of the Lambs!! Here I am assuming that the client is in a “healthy” state, as Julie Starr in The Coaching Manual, describes i.e. they are able to actively and fully participate in a session. The critical factors here for me are the timing of the silence and also the context of the silence.

– Timing – when the silence occurs is interesting to reflect upon. If the silence occurs near to the start of the session (or the relationship), this could be an indication of the client “testing the water” to see if it is safe to engage. My own coaching practice is that in advance of the initial session I forward copies of my coaching agreement, my profile, code of ethics and also a “What is coaching” document. In the session I then check for understanding, and specifically always explain what confidentiality means. I also ask the client if they wish to add anything into the coaching agreement. I have found that this approach assists in quickly developing trust and rapport with the clients, as opposed to simply addressing this verbally in the first session.
If the silence persists, or if it appears later in the coaching relationship, as a coach I begin to evaluate whether the client is ready to be coached (or still engaged with the coaching intervention) and, also, whether I am the right coach for that client.
Mick Cope in The Secrets of Success in Coaching, [2010] Pearson Education Limited, states “As a coach you are there to help the client deliver value through sustainable change- not to do it for them. But this leads to the question: do they want to change, or like so many people who try to change, do they just want to want to? In essence, you need to identify those who can and want to change, as opposed to those who won’t or can’t.”
Cope then outlines what I refer to as The 5 P tool, which describes five category of client, in a descending scale: Players, Participants, Passengers, Prisoners and Protestors. If dealing with a Prisoner or Protestor do not forget to consider your own interests as the coach- do you really want to coach the person? What is the risk that this could pose to your reputation or your practice? What countermeasures can you take to minimise the risk?
– Context – reflect on when the silence occurs – what preceded it? Is the silence evidence of the client reflecting? There may be clues from the position of the client’s eyes or from other body language. Alternatively, is the silence evidence of disengagement or avoidance. Watch out for mounting that white charger and going into rescuer mode! Some clients can use silence to avoid addressing the issue. One of the skills that you will quickly develop as your coaching experience grows is knowing when to break that silence.
Reflect on what your practice is when faced with a silent client? Is this an area for improvement – is it part of your coach continuous development plan? Is it one of the elements you focus upon in as part of your reflective practice.

• Boundary Management – once again the focus here is the silent client. Silence could be an early indicator for you as the coach that the client may need a different type of intervention other than coaching – for example counselling or therapy. Is there still a genuine, mutually engaged and active, coaching relationship? Once again the timing and context are critical factors, as will be the client’s behaviour, actions and emotional state. Consider your own coaching practice – have you planned for this arising? How will you deal with this? Have you identified referral points of contact?

• Contracting – How do you prepare your clients for the use of silence? One of the things I have realised on reflecting on my own coaching practice is that I ensure that each coaching agreement is bespoke to each client by specifically asking them about any particular preferences – for example, learning styles, and highlight that silence will be one of the tools that I will be using and seeking their permission/consent to this. This means that they do not start to be distracted by the silence, wondering what is going on etc. My experience has been that this has led to faster engagement and has reinforced trust and rapport.

• Self-Management – as a coach, your ability to use and manage silence is a good indicator as to your ability to manage your “self” as a coach. Resist the urge to jump in or interrupt – that could distract your client’s thought process, or, it could reduce the impact of a powerful question that you asked – the one that would have provoked a “aha” or lightbulb moment! By breaking the silence, you let the client off the hook of having to answer that question. Reflect on your own coaching practice – are you more aligned to a Trappist monk approach (honouring the silence) or a Ski- Jumper (leaping in)?

• Questioning – to quote Ronan Keating (I NEVER envisaged the day when I would use that phrase!!) “You say it best, when you say nothing at all”. OK, stop singing now, I apologize for creating that Earworm! Silence can be a powerful form of questioning – but beware that you make sure that it does not enter the realm of confrontation or oppression. Silence is a good response when the client responds to your question by asking “What do you think?” If the client is silent – that is often a prompt for questions to explore what was going on and what they were thinking of.

• Challenge – similar to questioning, the use of silence can be a form of challenge to the client – prompting the client to reflect or evaluate what they have said or thought. Again, be careful as to how silence is used and avoid it becoming oppressive or confrontational.

• Duration – the reason why silence is so powerful is that we have a natural human instinct to interact with others and it can feel very uncomfortable breaking those societal norms by using silence. There is no golden rule as to how long an “appropriate” silence should last – each client and each situation is different. One of the key skills that I have always seen develop as coaches gain more experience, is that they become more comfortable in handling silence and the duration of those silences increases as their experience increases. Reflect on your practice – do you allow the silence to be used to maximum effect? Is this something that could be improved upon? Have you tried timing a minute’s silence – how did it feel? Longer or shorter than you imagined? Comfortable or uncomfortable?

• Evidence of ethical and professional coaching – my approach when asked if I am coaching a particular individual (or team) or when asked to disclose additional information beyond that contracted with the client (and sponsor) can be best depicted by the following image.

Silence is not simply desirable in these situations, it is critical. The wartime slogan was “Loose Lips Cost Lives”, as a coach our slogan should perhaps be: “Loose Lips Costs Clients and Your Reputation”.

• Critical Review/Reflection – Finally, as a coach, critical review/reflection is an essential skill that you will need to develop to ensure your own continuous professional development. The use of a short period of silence after a coaching session is a useful practice to develop as this enables you to capture key highlights from the session and also serves to “ground” yourself as preparation for the next client.

Finally, how could I deal with the topic of silence without quoting from Simon & Garfunkel’s “Sound of Silence”. Silence in coaching is “People talking without speaking”.

Selecting a professional accreditation body

Martin Hill, Senior Tutor BSC

“People are usually more convinced by reasons they discovered themselves than by those found out by others.”- Blaise Pascal

I hope that the above quotation underscores the fact that my motive in writing this blog is not to “sell” one particular coaching professional body, but instead to encourage and enable you to embark on a voyage of self-discovery and make a selection.
The International Society of Qualified Coaches (ISQC) has launched recently and, as can be seen from my post-nominals below, I am a Fellow of ISQC. British School of Coaching supports ISQC as an organisation, as the body is the only professional body to explicitly recognise qualified coaches and is of international scope.
I thought that it might be useful to capture some of the points to consider when making your choice:

• Evidence of professional and ethical practice – as those of you undertaking an ILM qualification know only too well, one of the key factors that coaching purchasers, tenders and HR professionals use to separate the wheat from the chaff in the coaching fields is what the prospective coach can evidence to demonstrate that they operate a professional and ethical coaching practice. Joining a professional body brings an external validation of that commitment – as it demonstrates your commitment to those ideals.

• Needs – which to choose? For me this is going to be informed, amongst other things, by your own needs; the needs (or reassurance) of your clients; your type of coaching practice; your marketing strategy and also your location and the location of your practice. Find the body that suits your needs – but make sure it covers all bases. It may even mean that you are a member of a variety of coaching bodies because each may suit a different purpose. What I like most about ISQC is that it explicitly recognises and distinguishes the fact that you have taken the time, trouble and expense to undertake a coaching qualification – the ISQC post-nominals shouts that qualification distinction from the rooftops – a fact that coaching purchasers are highly likely to take into account, particularly given that the Ridler Report recognised that the coaching purchasers were becoming more discerning and better informed.

Similarly the name of the professional body may well be useful in attracting prospective clients or reassuring existing clients. For example, practising in the Middle East- the phrase “international” adds a layer of greater kudos than perhaps a more localised name would use. Similarly would “European” appeal to the Middle East market? Does one phrase fulfil more than one function? “International” fits multiple markets in one hit, for example.

• Expectations – this does not just refer to your own expectations, but what are the expectations for the professional accreditation body? For example CPD requirements; membership criteria; supervision requirements; selection criteria etc. Do these fit with you? Can you deliver these? What added value is it bringing to you if you complete them? At what cost?

• Compatibility – some professional bodies have Codes of Conduct and Ethical Codes, and require that you adopt and comply with these. Check out whether these are compatible with your needs and your values and beliefs. If it does not fit – shop around.

• Marketing – a professional accreditation body membership can provide you with that marketing edge and help build your own personal brand and USP (unique selling point) in a crowded marketplace. If the membership benefits include post-nominals, this is something that can be built into your business stationery and publicity material.

• Networking – for me the key test of a professional accreditation body is the membership. If there are networking events go along – if the body is any good, it will welcome you BEFORE you have taken the commitment to become a member. Do you feel comfortable? Are the other members from similar areas of practice etc. etc.? Do the networking events provide accredited CPD opportunities? Do they hold meetings in your region?

• Cost and Benefits – what gives you “more bang for your buck?” What benefits do they offer? What benefits do you want?

The above is by no means an exhaustive list, but I hope it prompts some research and some action.
If you are interested in finding more about ISQC, we have included more information here 


Martin Hill LL.B (Hons), FCMI, FInstLM, FISQC, MAC, EMCC Member, Coach & Coach Supervisor
Faculty Member
Programme Director for ILM Level 7 Executive Coaching & Mentoring Courses

Preparing for Supervision

Martin Hill, Senior Tutor BSC

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” – Aristotle

“Self-observation brings man to the realization of the necessity of self-change. And in observing himself a man notices that self-observation itself brings about certain changes in his inner processes. He begins to understand that self-observation is an instrument of self-change, a means of awakening.” – George Grudjieff

The key factor in my view that distinguishes a professional and ethical coach from a “run of the mill” coach is the supervision regime of the coach. The Ridler Report and recent coaching tenders and literature all have one element in common – the importance of supervision for an ethical, professional and safe coaching practice.

Supervision can also be a key element in helping you attain your CPD requirements as a coach.
Supervision can be accessed in a variety of forms – peer supervision, group supervision and individual supervision. In relation to my own practice, I use a combination of all three elements- why? Peer supervision and group supervision have their advantages – drawing on, and sharing group knowledge and experience, but there may be time barriers, confidentiality concerns and/or confidence issues in sharing some topics in these environs. Individual supervision provides a bespoke, focused opportunity to have a detailed reflection on my coaching practice.

All well and good I hear you say, but what about the expense? I know it’s difficult to find two bankers to rub together but pause for a moment – if you are expecting clients to invest in your coaching services, what is stopping you from investing in a supervision programme that ensures that your coaching is the best it can be. It is an investment and the purpose of this blog is to provide some tips to ensure that you get value for money from that investment.

• Type of Supervision – choose the most cost effective package that fits your needs. This may involve a “pick and mix” approach- using peer supervision or group supervision may reduce the frequency required for individual supervision and thus reduce the cost.
• What does good supervision cover? The supervision should cover the following elements:

NORMATIVE – ensuring that you are working in a competent and ethical way as a coach- the quality assurance that you can provide for your marketing strategy for your practice.
FORMATIVE – helping to refresh and develop your skills, theoretical knowledge, personal attributes, self-awareness etc. so that you become increasingly competent as a coach.
SUPPORTIVE – There can be sessions that have an emotional impact on you as the coach – sometimes this presents as a conscious effect, sometimes as an unconscious impact. This is where the concept of transference comes into play. Supervision provides a health check and provides a check and challenge mechanism to ensure that the coach and coaching practice are kept healthy.

• Format for supervision – are you going to rely on a verbal summary of a session or focus on a specific session – some coaches use video/audio. Think of the impact this may have on your client’s engagement, also make sure you cover confidentiality and Data Protection Act issues re the retention and handling of any material by yourself and the supervisor. Remember to specifically contract with your client re this aspect as well.
• Make sure the “whole” of you turns up – you do not coach in isolation, to get the most from supervision be prepared to share and reflect on work, home, personal issues etc. as relevant.
• Preparation – don’t just turn up. Build on your own reflective practice skills by reviewing the sessions and identify the topics/issues/themes that you wish to focus upon.

In “On Being a Supervisee-Creating Learning Partnerships, 2^nd edition”- Michael Carroll & Maria C. Gilbert (2011) Vukani Publishing the authors suggest the following useful preparation l exercise – “let your mind drift back over your recent work. What surfaces for you immediately? Notice it and let it go (you might want to make a note of it…). Let your mind wander over the following questions:

1. What interactions/sessions/clients/interventions were you pleased with?
2. What was difficult for you?
3. What were you/are you, uncertain about?
4. What are you looking forward to in your next working session?
5. Are there any anxieties about the way you are working with a particular client/group/programme?
6. Are there any anxieties about your relationship with clients/other tutors/managers etc.?
7. Are there some doubts/anxieties/feelings just “out of view” which you would rather keep out of view? Identify the feelings as well as the items.
8. What interactions have you enjoyed most? What were the feelings?

…Immediate preparation for the supervisory session:

1. Are there any crisis/emergency issues you need to talk about?
2. Are there any themes emerging for you in your overall work that you would like to review in supervision?
3. Are there any organisational/training areas you want to talk about in supervision?
4. What do you want from this session of supervision? For yourself, your clients, your learning?
5. Are there any areas of the supervisory contract you want to review/negotiate”

I hope that this blog has provided some useful tips for supervision. The hardest step is perhaps the first, finding what it means in practice. A useful introduction could be to attend the British School of Coaching’s UK coaching network event on 16 January 2015, when you can join a group supervision session – feel free to join us. Suitable for anyone who is interested in coaching and mentoring – regardless of level of experience.

• Learn about the key elements for supervision – formative, normative and supportive
• Discover the challenges coaches face in managing a coaching session – and discover tips to assist.
• Comes with a free gift- REFLECTIVE LEARNING

For more information go to http://www.britishschoolofcoaching.com/cdp-courses/bsc-coaching-network/ or email info@britishschoolofcoaching.com

Coaches need to be coached – Oh and supervised!

Judith Barton, Director of Coaching and Mentoring

To me, running a coaching practice is similar to being in a legal or medical practice.  As a professional coach I am going on a journey with my clients enabling them to delve into their own resources so that they can develop a sense of their own potential and are supported to realise that potential through listening, questioning and challenging.  But in the end it is their own decision – as a coach it is not my place to provide guidance or advice but to draw out from clients their own understanding and enable them to make choices to develop their own careers and futures. 

Professional coaches are also practicing – practicing our skills, reviewing and reflecting on how each coaching session progressed and the interactions which took place.  Finally, a coach must create an accurate an accurate baseline. This sets out their strengths and areas for improvement and leads to a personal development plan to be actioned.  Once implemented, this plan is subject to review, reflection and further planning for improvement.  As part of this process, the coach must also recognise and celebrate their strengths and achievements. This leads me to four central tenets of running a coaching practice – which are: self-review supported by supervision, maintaining their skills base; keeping up to date with research and thinking about coaching practice; and ensuring that purchasers of coaching understand the concept of ‘coaching practice’. 

1: Self review supported by supervision is critical.  To be effective, review of practice should be carried out soon after each session is completed.  You will need to find your own balance between being to close to the interaction to be objective; and too far to be able to remember key points.  Self-review on its own however carries risks – that you will become overly self-critical or insufficiently self-aware.  In order to ensure some degree of distance and to avoid getting too drawn into feeling that you have to sort everything out on your own, the input of a supportive, challenging and knowledgeable coaching supervisor is an equally critical element of self-development.  You should choose a supervisor who understands your approach to coaching who is willing and able to be both supportive and challenging to question your assumptions and self-evaluation and provide a platform for continuous improvement of your practice. 

2: Coaches need to Coach – this may sound obvious but coaching is not something you can do once or twice a year whilst maintaining professional standards of competence. I feel that I need to be practicing my coaching skills at least twice per month. Coaching a number of people who have different issues to resolve, different learning styles and different interpersonal skills ensures that I can maintain a variety of coaching skills and the ability to deploy these skills in working with a range in types of client 

3: Keeping up with new thinking in coaching.   As a professional coach I can only provide a ‘state of the art’ coaching experience for clients if I spend time on a regular basis reading, evaluating and, where appropriate, working out how to use new techniques in my coaching practice.  I regularly read a number of journals – Coaching At Work, Edge, Management Today, Harvard Business Review – which keeping me up-to-date with not only coaching theory and practice but also management thinking.  As well as providing some coaching articles, the latter keep me up to date with the issues which may be facing my clients in their professional roles. In addition, I attend relevant conferences and CPD events.  For example, Association for Coaching conferences, Institute of Leadership and Management events and coaching network's can provide useful insights into developing my coaching practice and ensuring that my practice is evidence-based and leading edge. 

4: Purchasers of Coaching need to understand the concept of practice.  For those who purchase coaching, for themselves or members of their leadership or management teams, it is critical that they appreciate and seek out coaches who undertake regular supervision; who maintain their coaching practice, at the appropriate level of seniority, and who can demonstrate that they are up-to-date with the latest thinking and practical skills.  Purchasers have an in-depth understanding of what they are purchasing and what they hope to achieve for both individuals and the organisation.  I will be further sharing my thoughts on ‘Selecting the Right Coach’ in future blogs.

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