The content of a coaching session: the art of elephant spotting

Martin Hill, Senior Tutor BSC

My previous blogs explored the topics of “Beginning A Coaching Relationship” and “Endings In A Coaching Relationship”. In this blog I will be exploring the content of the coaching session and, in particular, how the coach needs to ensure that the true topic/issue has been issued – the art of spotting the elephant in the room.

Sounds easy doesn’t it? A lot of the coaching models that you will be familiar with also give that impression – for example GROW – the first item on the agenda is to identify and agree the goal. Unfortunately, the first declared goal may not be the real goal – in other words the elephant has not yet been spotted. This may be for a variety of reasons – the coachee may feel nervous; feel a sense of shame or a fear of failure – it may even be the case that the coachee is unsure or uncertain.

Here are some of my tools and tips that I have gleaned from my own coaching and supervisory practice and which help ensure that the elephant is spotted and appropriately dealt with:
•    Preparations – the pre-session contact and information that you forward to the coachee can play a critical role in scene setting, managing expectations and providing the foundations for building trust and rapport. How do you “contract”? Including the coachee in the process and exploring their preferences/ expectations pays dividends in this regard – for example establishing their learning style preference (which enables the coach to plan for that) or establishing their understanding of, and tolerance for, challenge.

•    Confidentiality – you know that you have established trust and rapport when the coachee feels confident to disclose personal, often their innermost, thoughts and feelings. The greater the attention you pay to explaining confidentiality, and agreeing the boundaries thereof together, the more likely it is that the elephant will come out into the open. Remember though that elephants do not like shocks or surprises – beware of promising “total confidentiality” as there are things that may arise that require disclosure and if you have not fully explained this or checked for mutual understanding – the elephant may well stampede and retreat into the distance.

•    Patience – relax and be prepared to play the long game. Each coachee is unique and will have their own bespoke coaching experience. Bear in mind as well the nature of the coaching engagement as this may be a contributory factor in making the coachee feel safe and relaxed – for example internal coaches may notice that it takes longer to establish total trust and rapport with internal coachees, compared to external coachees.

•    Check-In To Check-Out – even if the goal/topic has been identified and the session is focused on this, take the opportunity from time to time throughout the session to “check in” with the coachee and “check out” that this remains the most pressing or relevant goal or topic that the coachee needs to discuss.

•    Questioning – Use of clear and focused questioning can help unearth the true issues. In “Enabling Genius” (2016), LID Publishing Ltd Myles Downey outlines that one of “the means of managing one’s thinking …is called the ‘floodlight and spotlight’. Floodlight comes first. Floodlighting shines light on the whole territory and into every nook and cranny. It includes what one notices, what one thinks about, what one intuits, imagines, feels and desires. Floodlight is followed by spotlight and the best question to focus the spotlight is: what stands out? Or what is most interesting? Cliff Kimber…asks this question frequently: ‘What do you need to think clearly about?’” Think of this in relation to your coaching practice – does your questioning generate floodlight and spotlight thinking?

•    Use the AWE question – “The Coaching Habit” – Michael Bungay Stanier (2016) Box of Crayons Press uses this tool – the AWE question is (drum roll please)… “And What Else?” This can even be used at the goal/topic discussion stage – do not just accept the first declared goal, follow it up with AWE!

•    Intuition – as your confidence as a coach grows, you will notice that you are becoming more adept at sensing or feeling (a “gut reaction”) the non-declared topics/issues. This intuition is something to pay attention to, but always needs to be carefully managed. Always seek permission to check out if the intuitive sense is accurate, and/or is something that the coachee is content to explore.

•    Observation – the elephant in the room may be spotted by your observations – not just visual but also active listening. For example you may notice discordance in body language or expressed emotions by the coachee when they are talking. Another concept to be aware of comes from Hawkins & Shohet’s Seven Eyed Supervision model – “parallel process”. This could include the situation where the coaching session with the coachee mirrors how the coachee acts/behaves normally –sometimes contradicting what they are telling you in the session. It may be useful to explore this with the client by asking them to describe how they approach a task etc. The coach would then highlight what they have observed and the discordance. For example one coachee was describing her frustration with her second in command and spent some time explaining what the coachee was doing to address that and expressing confusion and frustration at the fact that it was not working. The session was interrupted by a knock on the door and I had a ring side seat and was able to hear the interaction between the two. When the session resumed, I played back what the coachee had initially described about her own behaviours and actions and contrasted that with the interaction I had just overheard which evidenced the complete opposite! A powerful tool which worked wonders.

•    Use of knowledge – as the coach you may come into possession of knowledge or information that is unknown to the coachee. This is where Johari’s Window can be a really powerful tool to use and help the coachee explore their own “blind spot” and the “unknown” arena as well.

•    Materials- Have you got everything that you need – pen, paper? Sometimes using a different learning style or using creativity in the session can expose the elephant. For example a coachee struggled to talk about an emotional issue; until I suggested that we tried a visual representation of the subject – hey presto!  Make sure you keep your “coaching kitbag” stocked and also make sure that you keep it current and topical to suit your practice.

•    Challenge – be ready to challenge the elephant in the room – especially if it has not been “noticed”, or acknowledged by the coachee.

•    How do you eat an elephant?

Make sure you deal with the elephant by setting small “baby” steps for action – make sure that they are SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time bound) and get the coachee to visualise and describe what the successful completion of the action will look and feel like , what will others notice; what will people be saying etc.

•    Suspend Judgement – maintain neutrality no matter what is disclosed. Simply acknowledge, accept and explore.

I hope that this has provided a catalyst for your own thoughts and reflections and I would be interested to hear from you with your own comments or observations (email Martin@britishschoolofcoaching.com).

Permissions to Coach

Martin Hill, Senior Tutor

One of the recurring topics that I have noticed in my supervisionary practice is the issue of contracting within the coaching session itself. Most coaches put a lot of focus and attention on the formal legal contract which governs the coaching intervention-especially the bits about payment, cancellations, terminations etc.etc. However the informal contracting that arises within the session itself rarely attracts the same levels of attention and focus.

What do I mean by informal contracting? It is the practice of ensuring that you have the client’s permission, or consent for any new development or initiative that may arise within a session. For example, the client may start a session by declaring that they wish to discuss a particular topic or goal, but as the session develops a different one arises. How do you manage that when it arises within your own practice?  I check in with the client, highlight what had arisen and then ask which topic or goal they now wish to focus on. By actively seeking that permission, both the client and I were clear as to the focus for the rest of the session and the aims, outputs and outcomes that were to be aimed for.

Here are some of the occasions when the need for permissions may arise:
•    Boundary Management – you may have contracted to coach the client within the constraints of certain boundaries; for example, you may be hired by an organisation to deliver coaching for a particular organisational goal, such as leadership or management development. If the coachee then wishes to expand the scope of the session to their own personal development. Not only would the expectations of the coachee have to be managed, but it may also necessitate the coach having to “park” that topic until the permission of the organisation had been sought to expand the initially agreed parameters of the coaching intervention. (NB As you gain wider experience as a coach, you can often avoid such issues arising, by anticipating developments that may arise and addressing those in your initial formal contracting with the sponsor.)

•    Role Management – sometimes in sessions, subject to this being within the coach’s range of competence and ability, the role of the coach may need to shift, for example to mentor role, in order to assist the client’s learning or knowledge to enable them to develop their own options and ideas. By actively seeking permission to shift roles, and then to shift back, the client and the coach are both clear as to which role the coach is in and thus which boundaries or rules apply for that role- thus, managing expectations for each.

•    Confidentiality Issues – in the, hopefully, rare occasions when a coach is faced with a situation where confidentiality has to be broken because of something that has arisen in a session, it is critical that the coach explains that disclosure needs to be made and seeks the client’s permission to do so. This is a rare occasion where, if the client refused permission, the coach needs to explain that their professional and ethical obligations mean that the disclosure must be made.

•    Feedback – this is a key tool and skill that a coach can use to really help the client to gain a wider perspective and understanding. In order to “signpost” to the client, and thus ensure that they are actively listening and are focused, I find it is useful to say something such as “Would it assist if I provided some feedback?” or “May I provide some feedback or observations?”  This also provides clarity and understanding.

•    Challenge – although challenge is a key, distinguishing feature of coaching from other interventions, each client has a different “tolerance” level or preference to how that challenge occurs. The style of challenge is something I specifically address in sessions and seek permission, having agreed the preferred approach. Actively seeking this permission manages the client’s expectations and helps build rapport and trust. In fact, my reflection on my own practice is that the majority of clients actively desire a strong level of challenge, as and when appropriate.

•    Use of tools/models – it is often useful to seek client’s permission when thinking of using a model or tool as not only does this provide an opportunity to explain that particular intervention and how it will work, but it also helps build rapport and trust as it makes the client feel more comfortable and relaxed as they have a greater awareness of what is taking place.

•    Supervision – if planning to record the session for supervision purposes; or if it is to be an observed session – ensure that client’s express permission and consent is obtained. Even if your supervisionary practice is to engage in post session discussion  of anonymised sessions with your supervisor or peer or group supervision colleagues, then it is useful to explain this to your client and seek permission.

The above is not an exhaustive list. In short you will find that the more transparent and collaborative approach you take to informal contracting/permissions, the more successful the coaching interventions tend to be as there is greater clarity for both coach and client and thus greater rapport and trust.

Permissions + Rapport/Trust Building = Success