Endings in a Coaching Relationship

Martin Hill, Senior Tutor BSC

“Endings are not always a bad thing; it just means that something new can begin” PictureQuotes.com

In this blog I thought it may be useful to draw on the lessons I have learned from my own coaching and supervisory practice relating to endings in a coaching relationship.

Ironically, before I explore the topic of endings, I need to look at beginnings. Stephen Covey (“Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”) highlighted that Habit Two is “Begin with the End in Mind”. What does that mean? www.businessballs.com (accessed 25/03/16) states “Covey calls this the habit of personal leadership – leading oneself that is, towards what you consider your aims. By developing the habit of concentrating on relevant activities you will build a platform to avoid distractions and become more productive and successful.” Ok – so what does that mean for you as a coach? For me, it means ensuring that your coaching preparations lay the foundations for the whole of the relationship, including planning the ending phase-but more on that later.

Enough of the beginnings, already – let’s get to endings. The title of the blog is not a typographical error – as a coach you may encounter a variety of endings in the course of a coaching relationship. In the course of a recent group supervision discussion I facilitated at a British School of Coaching UK Coaching Network, asking the group of coaches what they understood “endings” to mean, generated the following insights:
•    The end of a topic/goal discussion within a session, so that the discussion moved to the next topic/goal

•    When, and how, to draw a session to an end (linking in to time management of the session)

•    The ending of the coaching relationship itself – this prompts me to pose the following questions for you, dear reader, to reflect on for your own coaching practice:
– Was the ending planned or unplanned?
– What was the catalyst for the ending?
– Who ended the relationship –coach or coachee?
– How was it ended?

•    How does one know when a goal/objective has been achieved and thus can be ended? How are outcomes reviewed? Who is involved in that review-coach alone? Coachee alone? Coach and coachee? Coach, coachee and organisational sponsor?

The other nervousness highlighted when discussing endings with my coach supervisees, is how to actually deal with the topic of ending with the coachee. One approach is what I describe as the “It’s not you, it’s me” style conversation. Even writing that phrase, I could feel the aftershock-like tremors of memories being jogged by the earthquake shock of painful reminiscences of long ago relationships!! Remember having those conversations, or being on the receiving end of one? How did that feel? How long before you stopped dissecting the ins and outs?

One of the risks of the “It’s not you, it’s me” style in a coaching relationship is that it masks the real reasons for the ending. If you are operating a professional and ethical coaching practice, I am sure that the values of honesty, openness and transparency are of fundamental importance to you. The ending will be easier for you and the coachee to deal with if it is discussed in an open, objective and evidenced fashion. For example – “Our discussions about topic x, are outside my field of experience and I think that a different coach with that knowledge may be more useful for you. I may be able to help you with finding that coach if you would like.”

What about another approach? Remember my promise to return to the planning phase? When I am agreeing my coaching contract/agreement with the coachee and organisation I ensure that my planning includes anticipating potential endings. This means that we agree who, how and when can terminate the coaching relationship. Notice anything missing from that list? My contract does not specify grounds/examples for the coaching relationship to be terminated. This is because I identified that this could be a barrier to the issue being raised, especially for the coachee potentially, and this in turn would mean that the effectiveness of the coaching relationship would be diminished.  However, it’s YOUR contract and YOUR choice what goes in to it.

The other feature in my coaching contract/agreement with the coachee and organisation, and which I draft together with them, are what I describe as my “expectations” section. I outline what the coachee/organisation can expect from myself as the coach (and sometimes specify what it does not include, e.g. I am not here to provide advice to you) and also what I expect from them as coachee/organisation – e.g. punctuality; to turn up with pen and paper; to take ownership for the agreed actions.

The beauty of the coaching contract/agreement approach is that this provides a depersonalised mechanism to review the effectiveness of the relationship and discuss and decide if ending is appropriate. The contract/agreement can focus on behaviours that were agreed, but which have not been honoured etc. As a coach, I find that this gives me a mechanism to challenge the coachee and this usually serves as a prompt to bring them back on track.

Here are some of the factors that I have noticed that help build an effective and successful framework for dealing with endings within the coaching relationship:
•    Contracting – Take time to identify all the players involved as there may be a multiplicity of parties- for example, coach, coachee, sponsor (HR), line manager, department head, organisation etc. etc. This also influences what documentation may be needed – for example the “formal” legal contract (dealing with fees, deliverables, termination, confidentiality etc.) needs to be agreed with the “sponsor”, but I also ensure that the coachee in these situations completes a coaching agreement which outlines what they can expect from myself as the coach, what is expected of them, confidentiality and termination and cancellation). Think what may be needed for your own practice. Review your coaching agreement/contract. Does it cover what they can expect from you as the coach and what is expected from them as the coachee? Does it cover termination? If not – what are you going to do?

•    Values/beliefs – Let me paraphrase a quotation “To coach others, you must first know yourself”. Not only do you need to ensure that you know your own values and beliefs, you must make sure that your practice and behaviours are consistent with them- this can often avoid unexpected endings from arising in the first place.

•    Know when to say “No”-  If there is no beginning, there can be no end – so be clear who  you decide to coach and/or be clear about what actions you are prepared to undertake as coach (e.g. notes; chase ups; out of session contact etc. etc.).Reflect on those choices and challenge and review them regularly.

•    “Permissions”- If in doubt, ask – seek permission from the coachee to check things out. Really useful, for example, when dealing with the outcomes review. I would recommend that as a minimum this should be done by the coach and coachee together; but why not also consider inviting the line manager/organisational representative to part of the review session, with the coachee’s permission. (See my blog on permissions here)

•    Regular Reviews – earlier in the blog I mentioned planned and unplanned endings. A planned ending could arise where you have agreed to undertake, for example, five sessions. A good practice to develop is to introduce regular reviews, mine, for instance is after every 3rd session. This is simply a quick “coaching MOT” check – are you content with the relationship; does anything need changing; are actions being generated? Is value being added? If the answers to any of these are negative then this is a prompt to recontract and agree, or, to agree to end the relationship. Unplanned endings can, as the name implies, arise at any time. The same approach of discussing and recontracting or agreeing to end the relationship.

•    Boundary Management – make sure that you know the boundaries for your own competence- and do not overstretch. Also make sure you do not stray into counselling or advising mode. I would also suggest reflecting on the hypothetical situations when you would decide that you would have to end the coaching relationship. Review those situations – are they covered in your coaching contract/agreement? If not – time to review and revise.

•    “I’m OK, You’re OK”- endings can be emotional – make sure that you check that the coachee is ok and can get back ok. Similarly, give yourself time to review, recollect yourself, reflect and reboot.

•    Location – This links in to the topic above- if you anticipate that the relationship may be coming to an end in the next session, especially if you anticipate emotional or difficult responses, plan where and when to hold that session – the primacy concern being that of safety for yourself and the coachee.

•    Supervision/Support – Endings can generate emotional responses- both conscious and sub-consciously. Reflect on the support networks you have to draw upon (supervision, peers etc.) – is anything else needed or are these sufficient? What did you do to recalibrate?  Could that be used again? Could that be improved?

•    Adopt a 3R Evaluation Approach – Review, Reflect & Revise – following each coaching session that you conduct, seek feedback from the coachee, but also take time to review the session, reflect on what you did and what the effect was; also consider what worked well, what could have been improved on or what could have been done differently. Finally, if the reflection leads you to conclude that something needs to change, and then revise your approach before the next session. Does the ending generate the need to review and revise your coaching contract/agreement or coaching approach?

I hope that this has provided a catalyst for your own thoughts and reflections and I would be interested to hear from you with your own comments or observations.

In my next blog, I will look at the content of coaching relationships and the art of elephant spotting!!

For more blogs like this visit www.britishschoolofcoaching.com/blog/

Beginning a Coaching Relationship

Martin Hill, Senior Tutor BSC

“Let us watch well our beginnings, and results will manage themselves” –Alexander Clark

In this blog I thought it may be useful to draw on the lessons I have learned from my own coaching and supervisory practice relating to the beginning of a coaching relationship with a new client.

Frequently coaches say that they achieved rapport and gained trust, but when asked what they did and how they did it, they frequently are unable to do so. This can even apply to experienced coaches. The risk as one becomes more consciously competent is that complacency can begin to creep in and we begin to take some skills and behaviours almost for granted, meaning we give them less focus and attention. I would recommend taking some time to review and reflect what you do and consider how you managed to create a safe environment that helped to build trust and rapport.

Here are some of the factors that I have noticed that help build an effective and successful coaching relationship:
– Preparatory Actions- Even before the first session is held, your preparatory actions can be critical in building a sense of trust and rapport with your coachee. Do you always follow up your potential leads? How is that done? Have you got your “elevator pitch” fine-tuned? Prior to a first session I forward my coachees a copy of my profile, a brief explanation about what coaching is, a copy of the proposed coaching contract/agreement and a copy of the Code of Ethics I follow. The advantage of that is that the first session spends minimal times on dealing with these “administrative” necessities, and the majority of the session is focused on coaching. The pre-session material outlines what the coachee can expect of me, and also the expectations of them.

– Research Preparation- taking the time to research the coachee and/or organisation is something that can potentially reap huge dividends- not only does it illustrate a professional and committed approach, but it can provide you with background knowledge that can be used to make the coachee feel at ease and relax, once they realise that there is some element of common understanding.  Some coaches take this a stage further and ask the coachee about their preferred learning style or their “challenge” preference/tolerance. This can enable the coach to adapt their coaching style to accommodate those preferences. Bear in mind, however, that sometimes it is useful to “stretch” someone by choosing a different style – but that is something that is likely to be more productive once the coaching relationship has had time to establish.

– Contracting- Again this is a preparatory element – who do you have to contract with? This could be a 2 way contract (between coach and coachee directly) or a 3 way contract (coach, coachee and sponsor). Take time to scope all the players involved as there may be a multiplicity of parties- for example, coach, coachee, sponsor (HR), line manager, department head, organisation etc. etc. This also influences what documentation may be needed – for example the “formal” legal contract (dealing with fees, deliverables, termination, confidentiality etc.) needs to be agreed with the “sponsor”, but I also ensure that the coachee in these situations completes a coaching agreement which outlines what they can expect from myself as the coach, what is expected of them, confidentiality and termination and cancellation). Think what may be needed for your own practice. Finally, this may also assist with who should be invited to attend the first session – I have found it useful to invite , having discussed with the coachee, the line manager so that the coachee and line manager can both hear me outline what will happen in the session and critically, what confidentiality means- which helps build trust as the coachee knows there is not going to be a separate conversation between coach and line manager ( which could create doubts or concerns about what will be discussed at that meeting) and also means that the line manager and coachee are clear about what the coaching sessions will focus on, which avoids misconceptions and misunderstandings arising.

– Chemistry Session- some coaches offer “chemistry” sessions or calls so that coach and coachee can discuss preliminary matters and establish whether they can work with one another. Some coaches offer the first coaching session as a “free” session at which they cover similar matters to those outlined in “preparatory actions” above- explaining what coaching is; dealing with the contract etc. This can be done face to face or by telephone or Skype.

– Location- This depends on how the coaching intervention is going to be conducted – it could be face to face or it could be done remotely via telephone or Skype. Whatever the method, ensure that the coaching room is a “safe” environment – not just for the coachee, but also for you. Make sure that the room is comfortable and that interruptions can be minimised, if not entirely avoided.  Make sure that you get there early to set the room up to ensure that the coachee feels relaxed and focused.

– Dress- wear something that helps you feel comfortable, relaxed and professional. It is worth checking as well with the coachee, if you are coaching at their organisation’s premises, whether they have a particular dress code that needs to be followed.

– Materials- Have you got everything that you need –pen, paper, laptop, charger etc.? Make sure you keep your “coaching kitbag” stocked and also make sure that you keep it current and topical to suit your practice.

– Authentic Self- Edna Murdoch once said “Who You Are Is How You Coach” – [2010] Personnel Zone. Make sure that you are behaving as your natural self and being true to your values and beliefs. Sometimes assumptions and presumptions can be made by a coach about what they think the coachee is expecting about how they behave and act and this can lead to the coach overcompensating or undercompensating their own skills and behaviours. If you are not being true to self, not only will you feel uncomfortable – but the probability is that the coachee will notice – at the very least it will affect the session flow and feeling of naturalness.

– Adopt a 3R Evaluation Approach- Review, Reflect & Revise- following each coaching session that you conduct, seek feedback from the coachee, but also take time to review the session, reflect on what you did and what the effect was; also consider what worked well, what could have been improved on or what could have been done differently. Finally, if the reflection leads you to conclude that something needs to change, and then revise your approach before the next session.

I hope that this has provided a catalyst for your own thoughts and reflections and I would be interested to hear from you with your own comments or observations.

In my next blog, I will look at the ending of coaching relationships.

Adding value through leadership coaching

Charlotte Randall

Every one of us can be perceived as a leader and will require at different phases in our lives to make this explicit. We have all had to plan, organise, execute and deploy on various levels in order to deliver an end goal. Invariably, we do not operate alone in the realms of leadership and rely on the skills of, and interactions with, other people to get the job done. It is these interactions that can create the biggest challenge for leaders and have the greatest influence on engagement and productivity. Similarly, leaders are faced with the seemingly relentless task of managing change with multifaceted interests. Responding to this requires resolve, resilience and a delicate balance of needs and energy to ensure progression in a proactive, rather than reactive, manner.

Transitional change towards leadership learning is evolving, through placing the learner at the center of their development. However, there can still be a reliance on a perceived expert delivering knowledge and I would argue that this methodology has minimal, or at worst, has no influence on practice if adopted as a stand-alone approach. There is definitely a place for engaging with leadership theories and models that are portrayed in the plethora of literature and leadership training courses, but the hard part (and the bit that often keeps leaders stuck) is how this knowledge actually relates to the context of their organisation, the personalities within their team, and how they identify their focus for change to transfer the learning into practice, achieving tangible results.

A catalyst for unlocking leadership potential, either attained through theory based learning or inherently from within the individual, is leadership coaching. How many of us actually take time out to reflect and question current practice, to identify the baseline from which to move forwards and focus on building the relationships in which we co-exist? How many of us can say we have honestly examined our influence intended and the influence felt when communicating through different media with others? How often do we say we have too much interference to perform our tasks fully, or we are avoiding difficult conversations that inhibit productivity? The key to enhancing knowledge development is personalising it to the current context of the learner, and exploring the challenges in an environment underpinned by values of confidentiality, trust, challenge and respect. Through a dialogue focused on reflection and solutions, an individual can be inspired to show up regularly as a leader in real time and, in a real live context, engage and deliver! The caveat here is that it is not a quick fix, it requires commitment by all in the relationship if it is to truly influence learning and add value.